Dear Eric, my husband and I recently celebrated our daughter’s marriage in our charming, opulent California seaside town. The reception was described as” wines, supper, and dancing”, and children were not included.
The dress was” Festive Cocktail Attire”, which was communicated via a save-the-date notice sent on document via the U. S. postal services and email. Nine weeks prior to the wedding, the recognize was sent.
Two weeks before the wedding, the proposal included the dress code as well.
It was a fantastic event, with great Spanish dishes, a 12-piece life circle and fun, vibrant decor chosen by my daughter. With one strange exclusion: My husband’s older sister, a woman of 76 years, who lives in an even more upscale near town, but who arrived at our event looking like she had just taken a walk on the beach, in bright jeans, very everyday sandals, and the sort of outfit shirt you might put on to go grocery shopping.
However, her father followed our costume script, as did her child in a fabric designer cocktail dress and shoes. This older sister was the topic of many guesswork, as she stood out like a sore finger.
Many of our sons ‘ friends who had, of course, dressed up, asked if she had done it on purpose, because did a couple of my companions.
I’m not sure what to think, but this incident brings me to my own marriage more than 35 years ago. In the spirit of creating polite connections, I had asked my father’s girl, whom I had just met a couple of times, to be one of my girls. She phoned my father demanding that he paid for her maid dress after we took her on a class trip to select bridesmaid dresses. Later, I overheard her sluting the bridesmaid’s gown to a few friends. I had put this incident completely out of my mind until she showed up at my daughter’s wedding dressed inappropriately. What do you think?
— Attired Correctly
Dear Attired: I think your sister-in-law was dressing comfortably because” Festival Cocktail Attire” actually does n’t mean anything anymore. Even that is vague enough to be of little use, despite the fact that it’s supposed to be a mix of semi-formal and cocktail, with a little flair. In the early 2000s, I believe everyone became a little perplexed about it and gave up trying to care.
I ca n’t tell you how many events I go to where people show up wearing whatever they want. The dress code is” Festive Cocktail Attire.” It’s chaos. There are too many words in the description. We’ve lost the plot.
Your sister-in-law sounds like someone who does n’t place the same value as you do on fashion trends. She probably leads a very different kind of life, in my opinion. Therefore, for her, white jeans and a casual shirt would be appropriate for a wedding in a beach town close to her own.
A very unsatisfying form of revenge is to dress inappropriately. Therefore, it’s much less likely that she was communicating with you. If the message reads,” I’m 76, this is who I am, congratulations on your special day,”
Dear Eric, a friend I’ve known for a while recently asked for about$ 30, 000. He alleged he had old debts, but he needed the money to pay them off. I doubt that. He does not work and owns a few rental properties.
I responded by saying I was sorry and could n’t give him that kind of money, and that I also suggested that he contact his bank and request a loan.
He refused to hear about it, questioned our relationship, and then taught me that friends are not only for the good times but also for the times when people need them. He then abruptly ended our friendship.
I was depressed and depressed. What should I tell this ex-partner after they’ve dumped me? Should I have offered him money to maintain the friendship?
— Finance Friend
Dear Friend, when relationships start to have exorbitant price tags, I stop referring to them as friendships and instead refer to them as rental agreements. At$ 30, 000, the rent with this landlord is too high.
There might not be much to be saved here, I’m afraid if your friend is willing to abruptly break up with you over this.
Perhaps his judgment is being influenced by his financial stress. You can reach out to him and ask him to help you understand his point of view. You can express your regret over how things turned out.
Maybe he believes that you’re completely devoid of cash and that this sum is not a big deal.
But it’s a big deal to you. And, moreover, if you do n’t feel comfortable giving him the money, then “no” is a complete, loving sentence.
( Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at or P. O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on and register for his weekly newsletter.