Nothing compares to a wedding forcing her bridesmaids to dress in profoundly uncomfortable and ugly attire.
In a common online article, a person asked if she was bad for changing out of her maid dressing during the wedding reception. She stated:
” AITA for changing out of my maid dress during the reception, yet though pictures were over and I had no more tasks? “”
My 25F brother ( 23M ) and my SIL ( 23F ) both had perfect marriages, and they both seemed like the perfect fit for them. He proposed to her at Disney earth, and as soon as they announced their relationship, she started planning the wedding. Her mother gave her$ 20,000, and SIL chose to buy the bridesmaid dresses so she could have everything she wanted.
She asked her 4 best pals and me to get her girls, and presented the clothing choices to me because I was the biggest and she wanted to make sure they fit. She got 2 tones in the same size/ type / company and the lighter one fit me pretty well. The lighter was very tight and brief, just short enough to not fully cover my downstairs area.
I thought it had been mislabeled, and I showed her. Since it was the largest size that the clothing came in, I was unable to use it. She agreed, and put the clothes ahead. Fast forward to a week before the wedding, and she decides to use the dark color, and has apparently forgotten that it does n’t fit, because she brought out the lighter color for each fitting.
The tailor and I both freaked out once the black gown was on again after her mother had set up an additional installing. I had lost 5lbs, but gained more boobs ( 38h ) and the dress was baby doll style so it hung well above my hoo-ha. The only thing we could do was replace the straps to make them a few inches longer because the fabric did n’t have any extra seams.
The chest puckered so much that we sewed the slip part of the dress to the outer fabric to make it less noticeable, and at the end of the day she just told me to wear shorts under it because there was n’t anything else she could do. I told SIL and she just said it could n’t be as bad as I thought, and to deal with it. She flipped when I said I would rather not be in the marriage at all.
She got the whole ( immediate and extended who were already in town ) family to talk to me, and I finally agreed to stay on as long as I could wear shorts under the clothing. Time of, I put on my pants to prevent my underwear from showing up while we were getting prepared. SIL freaked and said they showed under the dress and I could n’t wear them and stop being dramatic.
The other bridesmaids looked sympathetic, but did n’t say anything. But I removed the shorts and held the skirt while I went down and the flowers were low. I hid in the back of all the pictures and the groomsman who walked the aisle with me held my neck rather of lacing wings so I could still keep my skirt and my flowers.
I changed into a different outfit the day before the ceremony and photos ( same color, no embellishments, but longer ) with the bride and groom’s permission. When she saw me afterward, she started voice yelling at me that I was so extraordinary and I was ruining her marriage and to just left.
I did n’t have a car with me, so I just sat outside the venue until the reception ended so as to not upset her further. She now hangs a picture of the ceremony on her wall, and I’ve absolutely photocopied the entire thing. And she’s been reminiscing about the marriage lately, and including me in the discussions, like” OP, do you consider the maid clothes? Oh my goodness, they looked so good. “”
I legit cannot tell if she just does n’t remember or if she’s trying to be mean. I’m disabled and not very social, so I’m not sure if I’m being serious or just saying no despite my family’s force.
When I told my parents and nephew when we are all along one day that the whole situation made me feel very bad, they all said that I was being serious. She and her husband could use any piece of art they wanted to hang on the walls, but they also had the freedom to prevent blatantly about the past. I had n’t brought it up at all since the wedding, so I did n’t think I was complaining all that much, but maybe I was.
Sometimes I made the day more difficult for my Husband than it needed to be. She may have simply wanted to forget what happened, which is why she photocopied me from the image. Am I the AH? How do I proceed?
Persons had OP’s up all the way.
dotnoodle191984 wrote:
NTA. I am never normally petty but OP I do 100 % begin wearing that clothing all over the place to all household occasions she will be at. When everyone starts to cry, display her your pants, and then claim it beautifully:” Sit on the sofa and display her your pants.”
” Stop being so remarkable SIL loves this gown she bought it for me particular to use to her marriage and all the pictures she loves it so much and says it fits so well that she was sad when I got changed. Do n’t you all remember? “”
Proceed further if you’re ready!
Although I was concerned that it was a little short, SIL insists that I look gorgeous, wonderful, and adorely in it, and that she wo n’t let me put on anything that would make me feel embarrassed, would she? ? Remember you both said SIL was best? So you must all become alright, then? “”
OP responded:
As interesting as that might be, SIL took up the costume after the marriage. She wears it to situations today. Yet if I also had it, I’m not sure I’d ever want to, even for the most trivial punishment, put it on.
No_Consideration4259 wrote:
Wait, how does she like the clothing? I your article you mention that you are significantly bigger than the others. This brings a whole another degree of who to this account.
And OP responded:
It fits her as more silky and she often wears somewhat large clothing anyway. She’s between 1-2 size smaller than me.
North_Risk3803 wrote:
NTA but everyone else is mainly your SIL. Your brother’s inaction speaks a bit. Your SIL knew the black gown did not fit at all and also went ahead with it. Why could n’t she let you wear the more modest dress? Jealousy sometimes? The truth you probably looked incredible thus to deter interest from you she forced you to use the black dress? I do n’t know what I get from this post.
The truth she photoshopped you out of the family wedding pictures says a lot about how she feels about you. Your family did n’t have your back, and there were no condolences or explanations. Would not talk to your SIL always. Btw she was certainly trying to be mean with that little reply. I’m so guilty for what transpired.
OP responded:
Neither of them looked good on me, I’m afraid the babydoll cut just does n’t look good on my body shape. The light clothing is even better-fitting. I think she picked the black one because the colour worked much in her colour scheme.
PolkaDotDancer wrote:
Snap the image away. Have a companion make smaller changes that make your Aunt look fuller and terrible.
And OP responded:
I’m not certain if it’s possible to sneak the picture away. She works from home and it’s really great.
mortstheonlyboyineed wrote:
I may interpret what your father means by picking your wars in this particular circumstance. Do n’t fight about it at the actual wedding. Prior to that time, you would have had to struggle for your side. Before, you even had to actually wear the dress. But, you did try to rally about it before, and you acted with as much respect as you could during the ceremony itself. Your SIL is a vile piece of work.
The only thing I may believe that you could have done different is to have taken pictures of how little the dress was and showed your parents and brother properly beforehand. You need to know some independence and strategies for dealing with harsh people because you are being treated badly. Unfortunately, those are often those who should have our flanks and get closest to us.
I’d been using humour to face your means out of this. When SIL complains that the images appear fine, he now says,” Well, yes, I’m glad you took my pictures out.” I would n’t want your plumber/electrician to see my hooha any time they pop over”” well obviously your’vision ‘ for your wedding is more important than anyone’s dignity! Or” like a shame you took me out.
I was thinking you had airbrushing my undies to make them stand out even more! ” Then shake your head, grin and move away. Instead of letting her try to make you into the sad ridiculous creature that she is, make her become one.
From now on, do n’t trust her at all. Always take pictures or document them so she wo n’t be able to gaslight you. Was someone with you when you had the costume altered, by the way?
OP responded:
Yes. I did the fitting with my friend’s mother’s companion, but once it was finished, I ventured into the living space where my relatives, parents, brother, SIL, her daughter, and one of my cousins from other states were sitting. The dressmaker came out with me and said there was nothing more she could do without cutting up the dress or adding more material to it, and suggested I wear clothes underneath.
Everyone was in agreement, and SIL vehemently argued that the costume belongs to her and that she purchased it. So it was decided, about a week before the marriage, that I’d had clothes on under the dress. I made sure to buy 3 distinct groups for Husband to choose from, all the same colour as the clothing. We all catered to each other.
mortstheonlyboyineed responded:
In that circumstance, they all failed you! How no one spoke up at that point I do n’t know. Your SIL is a vile piece of work. I do n’t know her, but I really dislike her! May I beg. Do you two have a significant period change? Were you specifically tight with your sibling before they met or no actually?
And OP responded:
I was 25. She was 23. My mate was likewise 23, if that issues. I was nearer to my brother in the same way that I believe most sisters are. Like we annoyed each other but protected each additional most of the time? He used to stand up for me in high school when I was being bullied ( though I did n’t actually know about that until much later ), and he’d always explain innuendos and jokes to me when I did n’t get them.
I would arrange for him to travel to and from his friends ‘ homes and recreational activities, make him food, and organize birthday parties and other events for him. One time I spent all the money I had made for almost a year ( minus living expenses and food ) on paying off a loan he’d gotten to buy a truck.
Although I was earning the minimum wage, I did n’t fully pay it off. He would let me stand out with him and his companions. Innovation what else could explain our connection… When he met SIL, she treated me but nicely and made the group feel like a part of the family. I helped him find out her ring and all.
About a week later, OP jumped in with an upgrade.
I followed the advice people gave on my last post, and I showed my family ( mom, dad, bro ) my post and all the comments. My brother said my SIL feels incredibly embarrassed that she made me wear that dress in the first place, and that’s why she did all the stuff ( photoshopping me out of the wedding photo on their wall, kicking me out of the reception, etc ).
He added that her way of apologizing was when she said she thought the clothes looked really. He asked me not to display SIL the article because she’d been thus sad and ashamed. He claimed that she is really trying to forget that it did n’t even occur. My mom said she was sorry and that she did n’t realize most of that stuff had happened, and did n’t know I was still upset about the dress.
She said it was a terrible position and she understands why I had been upset, and nothing enjoyed seeing me walk down the aisle like that.
She thanked me for telling me to end that conflict because she now realizes that it was n’t just a small issue to deal with and that if she had given more notice than a day or two, she would have made a decision and maybe we could have changed the dress more or whatever.
I think she’s really upset that it happened and she could n’t do anything about it, and that I shared it on the internet for strangers to read. My father yelled at everyone who called my SIL an AH. He thought my blog was amusing. He particularly liked that I talked about him explaining the battles saying, because he is almost always the single explaining phrases to me sorry, that’s often mom and brother.
He claimed that I gave him excellent audio. I also sent the article to my aunt ( the one who had me in her bridal after mate’s wedding ) and she told me it “reignited her fury from that day. She invited me to stay with her for a while apart from my parents and nephew. I think I’m going to do it. I have no showed the article to my SIL.
I’m a little worried that this will make things worse, like when my family starts fighting over it, which I do n’t want to blame. Sometimes I should’ve just been quiet violent like some people suggested. I regret not having better reports.
The web was entirely invested in the release.
Zoe2805 wrote:
You are aware of what mature folks do when they realize they are a mess? They apologise to the hurt group. They do n’t make a unilateral decision about when it’s time to leave and move on. If SIL is sad as your nephew says, she may conjure up the courage to apologise to you. In people. Without any justifications. Until then, I’d only be LC / NC with both of them.
Posted by Vast-Ant-9699 on:
Your nephew is an a$$ but is his spouse and kind of your baby. Never once did your brother or his wife apologize, your mom said it was uncomfortable to see but did nothing and did n’t think it bothered you. Your girlfriend in law removed you from the picture in the hope that people would remember what she had you use, keeping her from turning out to be an a$$.
She did not say it but I bet the thought of oh if I take her out of the photo sometimes people will forget what I made her use. People at the wedding had to be wondering WTF. And I bet that was why she told you to leave. She did n’t want anyone to ask you about the dress or your new one at the reception because she would look like a giant asshole for making you wear that.
Posted by Altruistic_Spirit542
I don’t believe your brother. If your SIL had expressed regret, she would apologize. She has n’t and instead she’s taunted you. Move in with your cousin and the day after you move, email the post to the whole family, SIL, bridesmaids and everyone you have contacts for.
Because she has n’t stopped attempting to humiliate you, she has completely changed her world. It will not be your fault if your family starts fighting. They will be responsible for permitting SIL to abuse you.
ForeverNugu wrote:
I hate that they downplayed your feelings. You were n’t acting dramatic, either. I honestly would limit contact with them until they both own up and apologize. I keep trying to imagine this dress and understand what she might have thought. Why would she want her bridesmaids in a dress that short? Did it different in everyone else?
OP responded:
I was the biggest. XL, 38 H chest. The other girls were extremely thin and looked fantastic in their outfits. It was a dark blue baby doll style dress, the kind where it looks like a high neck halter in the front but it’s the same in the back, with really thin straps that are right next to your neck and shows a while lot of shoulder. It had 2 layers, the one layer was a stretchy opaque fabric.
The outer layer was supposed to be completely flowy, but it was a sheer, non-skid material with no direction of change. Does that help your imagination?
Lalalawaver authored:
I know your mom could n’t do much about the dresses probably because of the time thing and they were already paid for but she def could have stepped up and told your brother something when she noticed you were sitting outside all night until the reception ended. She did n’t come out to check on you? If he had treated his sister in that manner, I would have told my son something.
Just because it ’s “your day ” does n’t give the right to be so atrocious. I would make sure your SIL is aware of the post and would consider moving there so you can let your cousin know that your feelings are valid and that they can not bully you. I’d go low or no contact for a while and do your own thing!
OP responded:
My mom had lots of responsibilities at the wedding and did n’t notice I was gone until she was looking for me so we could carpool home. If she had known, I’m sure she would have come out to see what was going on. I think I must have written something in my posts that makes her seem more awful than she is, because she was the one who got SIL to agree to shorts and changing dresses at the reception in the first place.
We did n’t have a chance to talk until the wedding was over, and she did n’t even recognize me as she approached me as we walked down the aisle. I think she thought it would all be fine because I had permission from SIL and my bro for the dress change and the shorts. And she did n’t even know about the photo because she never looked closely at it.
The couple is in the middle of the wedding arch and the entire thing is seen from the back of the aisle. ) Similar thing with my brother, on the wedding day. But he was present when SIL instructed me to leave, so I’m not sure about him.
l3ex_G wrote:
I don’t believe your brother nor her “excuses ” this does n’t pass the smell test. Do n’t like your mother’s back-peddling either, either. Does she usually stand up for you and this was a one off? Stay with your cousin to make room for you. And tell your SIL about the post she needs to know she had been exposed and she can’t play these games because I 100 % believe her actions were malicious.
OP responded:
Yes, I think my mom does stand up for me usually. She’s typically the one who assists me in understanding what other people say and whatnot as well.
photosbeersandteach wrote:
SIL only feels embarrassed now that she has realized it embarrassed her. If she was truly sad and embarrassed, then why has n’t she reached out to apologize to you? The person she hurt with her actions. When your brother tries to make bulls$ %t excuses, I would ask him to do so. She’s trying to forget it all, without actually having to do the work you’re supposed to when you realize you ’ve hurt someone.
A few weeks later, OP shared yet another update.
Lots of ppl have asked me to update again, so here goes. My mom really is n’t the villain in this story, I promise. She was the one who persuaded SIL to accept the shorts and changing gowns. She did n’t know I’d been photoshopped out of the picture, she had n’t ever looked at it that closely. It hangs in the SIL and the bro’s place.
She is the one who had always advocated for me, with doctors and schools and family and other people, I think she was just incredibly stressed and did n’t realize a lot of this was happening until I brought it up the first time, and even then I do n’t think I put as much gravitas on the situation as I should have.
Also, she only recently realized that I do n’t lie… Growing up, I was known as a liar because my autism did not fully comprehend or respond to questions very literally.
She apparently thought I was lying when I brought up the photo earlier, having never actually looked closely at it. She has already looked, and she is very upset.
Anyway, here’s the actual update. I’m in my new room at my cousin’s place writing this, and a whole lot has happened.
First of all, I appreciate your support, but my most recent update seems to have been crappy with comments and upvotes. I decided to partially take the advice from the comments on my first update, but while hopefully still honoring my brother’s wishes. I do want to eventually mend our relationship. Instead of showing SIL my posts, I confronted her.
I told her how it made me feel during the situation and in the aftermath, and I asked her why she took me out of the picture.
She claimed she had already apologized to me after the wedding, but I still thought it was inappropriate for me to keep up the conversation.
I told her I did n’t remember that at all, and she said,” Well, I said I was sorry, and if you do n’t remember it, that’s not my fault. I inquired about the photo, and she responded that she had removed me because she disliked any of the photos and believed it would have made me happy.
I left the next day, and once I got to my cousin’s and told her what was going on, she got really mad and went upstairs to” cool off. “”
Due to the fact that I had my phone off and was trying to get in low contact with my family, I did n’t learn about this until a few days ago.
My cousin put up both my posts on SIL’s social media, telling everyone she was the SIL, and that I had to move away because of her. Not only did her boss read the comments and her friends and family, but also all of her coworkers. She got fired because the boss did n’t want someone who bullied disabled ppl in their workplace, especially when they work with kids.
My family also saw it and apparently everyone has been blowing her up so much that she deleted her accounts and is crying every day. She’s pregnant, and my bro has been texting me nonstop about how stress I caused her to lose the baby.
Ppl have also been calling and texting me, mostly in support but also some saying I got her fired and telling everyone what she did was not worth the fallout. My cousin claims that she received what she deserved, and while some people have said that they do n’t stand up for themselves enough, I ca n’t help but feel bad for her. I did n’t want her to get fired, I just wanted an apology!
The comments came rolling in.
Prestigious-Bluejay5 authored:
First SIL bullies you, now she’s gas lighting. She only had to apologize in kind, but she could n’t even do that. She showed you who she is and your cousin exposed her to everyone else. SIL reaped what she sowed. You did nothing improper.
Gwynasyn wrote:
Boy, her family just stinks, right? Gets forced to wear a very uncomfortable and inappropriate dress, no one really has her back or takes her concerns seriously, acts based on agreed upon’compromises ‘ then gets berated for it, then gets gaslit that she got an apology, then has her cousin out her post public to cause even more drama for everyone including OP.
Even if it was good karma for the SIL, but it also put OP in a situation it sounds like she did n’t want to be in.
InvectiveDetective wrote:
Mom thought she was a liar because of her autism? Is that the experience of anyone else? Like, my sister has high functioning autism, and went undiagnosed for years—and while we did n’t know why she was different, it was always extremely apparent that she does n’t lie. When I was a kid, I used to get so annoyed with her for not telling white lies which were obviously ( to me ) called for in any given situation.
It’s good that OP has her mom in her corner and her cousin, but she is clearly not an NTA at all here.
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