Advice | Miss Manners: According to my mother-in-law, wearing colorful clothes makes me look unclassy.

Dear Miss Manners: My mother-in-law is extremely worried that her haughty family will perceive my love of vibrant colors and patterns as expressing “lower course” standards. When I disagreed with her dictating what her expanded home may use on a trip that she did not pay for, our prejudice and seeking caused us to argue. She made an effort to persuade everyone in the community to dress in neutral and traditional clothing, which she already has in abundance.

I wore cozy unique and designer clothing made by my favourite designers because my grandmother taught me how to dress however I wanted. Because I did n’t fit her dress code, my MIL tried to exclude me from any family photos.

I argue that I am unable to laugh in grey or ecru, and I detest those who are wealthy enough to be snobbish but no type. She believes I should comply with her” training” or “down-dressing” and join the crowd.

As long as you do n’t dress in garish colors to a funeral, Miss Manners assures you that there are no class rules regarding clothing colors. However, if your MIL keeps berating you, you may eventually give in.

Dear Miss Manners: I run a little grain arts company and am generally cunning. I do a variety of different handicraft in addition to embroidery, sewing, crocheting, and knitting. I take great pride in what I wear, display, and discuss. But, this is frequently met with the retort,” I could never do that.”

I am aware that saying” Not with that attitude” or” You could if you practiced” is impolite, but I’m curious as to what a polite reply would be. Although it is frequently intended as a gift, I believe that the” I may never” reaction implies that my skills are intrinsic rather than the result of years of practice, which makes me defensive and more likely to react angrily or sarcastically.

Is it possible to politely take this as a compliment and even emphasizing how challenging I’ve worked at what I do to make it better?

Well, I could n’t either at one point.

I’m getting ready to introduce to my partner, Dear Miss Manners. To go two of her companions ‘ weddings, we have a trip to Italy planned. Although I believe it would be a good time to propose, I do n’t want to ruin the wedding.

Since we will be there for a few days, it goes without saying that I would not suggest the day of the bride or any other wedding-related activities.

The key is to question her when it will, as you say, not disrupt any marriage festivities but also give your novel fiancée the necessary opportunity to tell her companions violently. Miss Manners hopes you have success finding that moment.

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2023 Judith Martin